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Failure is an Option

In 2000andhowthefuckshouldIknow DukuKane decided that Worms was in such a terrible state that it was time he stepped in, saved the day with totally heroic fucking awesomeness, become a hero, destroy Team17 and profit by writing a seriously professionally serious complaint to some bullshit consumer watchdog TV show that no one in the civilised world would ever watch.

I e-mailed CNet witha ton of trash on T17. hopefully they will listen and take action for us, otherwise we are out of luck. Here's what I said. You can thank me or laugh at me or tell me I suck, I dont care, but i have put more into solving this problem than anyone else. So enjoy my rambling and If you support this and want to help convince CNet to help us e-mail...

Tell them something to the affect that you want them to do a report on Team17 and WormsArmageddon in response to the e-mail by DukuKane.

To Whom It May Concern:

On behalf of the Worms: Armageddon gaming community I would like to ask that you do a report on your television show for us. Hopefully you will do a "Consumer Report/ Consumer Action" story for us. I know that they boost ratings and viewers love stories like these.

First, I would like to summarize the situation, and then give some details.

A video game creating company, Team17, has been creating a game that is popular on the internet. The original Worms game was for DOS and wasnt for use on the internet, but about 3 years ago they created Worms:2. It is a great game and has fans worldwide from the US to Britain to Autralia, China, South Africa, Brazil, and even Russia. Eventually Team17 promised a whole new game for the Worms line. Worms:Armageddon (WA). They promised tons of new features and an entirely new game. Then when the game came out ($30), gamers found that it was not actually a new game. It was a patch for W2. Literraly, a $30 patch for W2. If you minimize WA during a game it actually says Worms2 and it has the WA patch running during the same time. All the WA patch did was ad some new weapons to the game. Consumers were paying $30 for some new weapons. One special feature of WA was the new and improved "WormNET". It is the server that gamers play on. It turned out to be very faulty. it crashed and still does crash at least twice per week and is only fixed because of an auto-reboot system. The person who is supposed to be in charge of fixing these problems refuses to answer anyone or fix any problems, even though he gets paid for keeping it running. In other words he does nothing. Meanwhile, T17 puposely shut down the W2 internet server. I belive this is illigal because the game packaging specified that the internet server was part of the cost so they have to keep it running. That forced people to buy WA if they wanted to continue online gameplay.

One day there was a person who found a way to skip by the log-on screen for wormNET. It was not any sort of hacking, but Team17 said that because 1 person "hacked" wormnet they were shutting WN down for a week. Thousands of people lost the use of WormNET for a week (and remember that Team17 guaranteed WormNET as part of the game, something that we paid for) because 1 person skipped the log on screen. After that week Team17 had all of the competition leagues shut down on WormNET to punish us for "hacking". Then they released a statement promising a patch for WA. It was supposed to prevert people from hacking wormNET and let people run WA on Windows2000. They promised that patch to be ready by the beginning of this past August. August came and went and when we questioned Team17 where the patch was they claimed that it would be out very soon. However here we are in November and there is still no sign of the patch. One person who has contact with Team17 says that the patch wont come out until February or March. They have completely stopped working on it. The gamers and Team17 webmaster have contacted Team17 multiple times but they refuse to give us any response. They have left their webmasters in teh dark so terribly that their Official Website has not been updated in nearly 2 months .

A few months ago Team17 told us that they were making a new worms game. Worms World Party. They gave a list of features it would have. Now we have found out that they cancelled 90% of those features and WWP will actually be another patch for WA. This game that they are going to charge us for is actually just the WA patch that they promised to all WA owners for free. Next, they try to make it up to us by saying they will only charge $20 for WWP. What a deal!!! It will only cost us $20 for what was promised to us for free. Apparently we are paying $20 for a game box. Chances are that upon the release of WWP (Dec. 2000) Team17 will shut down WormNET (which we paid for) and force people to buy WWP. Many gamers are outraged by this and we have no way to take action ourselves since T17 will not contact us. One Team17 staff member quit because of the scam that their company is pulling. He was very nice and gave me tons of information on this subject, however hw would like to be kept annonymous because if his identity was realease it could make it difficult for him to find another job with a gaming company. There is much more information included in the chat pasted below. Please read through it because if i took the time to rewrite it all this letter would be far too long as it already is.

Myself and my friends worldwide would love you if you could somehow help us. Please contact Team17. I am sure that there is some way you can convince them to compensate their consumers, and if not you can show how they are scamming people. You know how much Americans love to hear about scam jobs. I know I do.

Some informatio for you.

Official Worms Armageddon Website :

Active WA Website:

Most popular WA website (recieves over 12,000 hits per day with no advertising) (I work for this website voluntarily and the webmaster pays for it all out of his own pocket. If you would like to contact him his e-mail is . He is currently the leader of all happenings in teh Worms Community. Next August he is hosting a Worms convention in Califonia all paid for out of his own pocket. Team17 leaders will not respond when he asks for their endorsment. ( he did not ask for any funding what-so-ever)

Worms Community Message Board: This is where Team17 is supposed to answer any questions that wormers have. If you look you can see how little they care.

Team17 Contact Info:

UK: +44(0)1924 271637 (phone)

UK: +44 (0)1924 267658 (fax)

Postal: Team17 Software Ltd. Longlands House, Wakefield Road, Ossett, West Yorkshire. WF5 9JS ENGLAND

Email: is the Director of Development

Names have been unchanged to protect lulz

DukuKane: can i talk to you for just a min please
Sniper: yea
Sniper: ur welcome to have more than a minute too if u prefer
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: thanks
DukuKane: sorry, i am sure you hear this from everyone but i want to check anyways
DukuKane: about WWP, have you heard anything
Sniper: lol
Sniper: yes
Sniper: it sucks
DukuKane: great
Sniper: why, what did u want to know about it
DukuKane: seriosuly there is tons of people saying that they arent going to buy WWP because T17 is jerking us around so much
DukuKane: well it sounds like WWP - WA patch with a $20 charge for a box
Sniper: put simply, and from what I know, its WA with WormPot and Usermade Missions
Sniper: nothing else
Sniper: not worth the money IMHO
DukuKane: didnt T17 promise a patch to fix WN
Sniper: it will come
DukuKane: and they said it would be ready by august at first
DukuKane: when, march
Sniper: heh
DukuKane: they could at least have teh grace to let us know what is going on
Sniper: dunno when, I know it is coming though, just not currently in production
Sniper: they don't care about us though
Sniper: and if they open their mouths they just get flamed more
Sniper: cause they don't have good news
Sniper: so they don't
DukuKane: well could you maybe help me abit
Sniper: uhh..
DukuKane: i have organized a ton of people and we want to contact CNet news
Sniper: roflol
DukuKane: it is a TV show and we want them to do a Consumer Action thing for us
Sniper: is not from the US
DukuKane: i know
Sniper: as such I'm not familiar with whats involved...
DukuKane: well the show would do an investigation
DukuKane: cantqact T17
DukuKane: A. Davidson
Sniper: Andy has nothing to do with them
DukuKane: and get him to explain why he is cheating people and breaking promises
DukuKane: isnt he in charge of production
Sniper: no
DukuKane: oh
DukuKane: well anyways they will contact those people
DukuKane: and get them to explain this trash they are pulling'
Sniper: right...
DukuKane: so T17 has to compensate us in some way or else they will look terrible on TV
Sniper: and what do we have to do to get them to do this
Sniper: there has to be a catch somehow
DukuKane: no
DukuKane: news shows love to do this stuff
DukuKane: they call it consumer protection
DukuKane: they go find rip-offs and get people their money back
DukuKane: the local news station got 2.3 million $ back over the last year by doing this sorta stuff
Sniper: k, so how do I fit in, and do they care that T17 is a UK (not US) company
DukuKane: well i was oping you could give me some facts
DukuKane: some good things to say to make T17 look bad
DukuKane: and they wont care because it is marketed in the US
Sniper: hrmmm... I dunno that I want to be a part of this, mainly cause I am considering moving to the UK - and they will be the first people I ask for a job from
DukuKane: i wont include your name in anything
DukuKane: promise
Sniper: I can tell u stuff but have no way of proving it
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: and its going by memory, so can't promise that its fact :P
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: but, the W2 update (or what was originally marketed as one) became WA - a pretty crap follow on game at full price
DukuKane: yup
Sniper: things like less ability to customise weapons and shit actually made the game even more crap
DukuKane: k
Sniper: WA update is going on for years now - what was promised as part of the game (World Rankings) has been down for months and months
DukuKane: ya
Sniper: the stuff that was going to make it an 'update' and not a 'patch' is no longer in this update
Sniper: namely the user-made missions - was meant to be a free addition coming with the update
DukuKane: did they ever promise it
Sniper: so u could almost say the WA update has again turned into a new half-hearted game
DukuKane: or put it inwriting
Sniper: dunno
Sniper: that was something I found out internally
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: not sure if it was publicly mentioned - hinted at, yes
DukuKane: i think i remember it
Sniper: some of the 'features' of WWP has been scrapped
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: making it less of a new game
DukuKane: i was just gonna ask that, lol
Sniper: (do NOT post publicly)
Sniper: night missions have been scapped AFAIK
Sniper: and at one stage they were thinking about taking away the rankings
Sniper: which was a feature of WA (so reducing the game even further)
Sniper: there was no new weapons going in
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: OMG
Sniper: but I believe they are putting some in due to overwealming public pressure
Sniper: not sure, but the simultaneous mode (DC only) may be scrapped also
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: umm
Sniper: W2: they have left it for dead
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: is W2 wormnet still up
Sniper: things like flooding people off the servers and/or crashing the server is a simple text field char limit
Sniper: yes
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: sorry
Sniper: lemmie rephrase
DukuKane: thanks
Sniper: stopping things like flooding people off the servers and/or crashing the server is fixed with a simple text field character limit
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: but they refuse to fix it
Sniper: someone made a custom landscape importer for Worms2
DukuKane: k
Sniper: but they wouldn't allow it to be released (as was a feature of WA)
DukuKane: jeez
Sniper: WA is full screen, blocking people from ALT-TABing out, and if the game crashes (can be often) u have to literally power down/reset ur whole PC
DukuKane: ooh, very good point, i woulda forgotten that
Sniper: umm
DukuKane: they could easily make it a minimized prog if they wanted right
Sniper: yea - unblock ALT TAB
Sniper: they coded it so the block was in there
DukuKane: god
DukuKane: makes me sick to see how much they rip people off
Sniper: Team17 staff have said publicly (and are quoted saying) 'we don't care - so long as the game sells'
DukuKane: wow
DukuKane: good quote
Sniper: and have posted (a) link to a male pornography site on a public message board visited by underage children
Sniper: thats a persuedo-quote
DukuKane: lol
Sniper: I'd have to look for the exact wording
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: Worms (their only really selling title) is now being spawned into Worms 3D, Worms Blast, and a number of others were looked at
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: wtf was worms pinball, i bet theey sold about 100 total cpies of that, lol
Sniper: Team17 like pinball games
DukuKane: lol
DukuKane: any other info you have
Sniper: thinking..
Sniper: u could talk about Snooper if u wanted to
DukuKane: very good
DukuKane: you made it right
Sniper: check, but I think they got the manual for W2 AND WA wrong - specifically the chat key
Sniper: me, no
Sniper: ` -- W2 said that was the 'to chat online in game' button
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: I think the WA manual had that too
Sniper: both incorrect
Sniper: WA when released was extremely buggy
DukuKane: yup
Sniper: requiring a patch to work on a lot of peoples PCs (black screen of death)
Sniper: things like the mouse program commonly locking the keyboard
Sniper: their solution was not to release a patch, but for users 'not to move the wheel' or 'disable the program' (lame)
DukuKane: uhg
Sniper: umm
Sniper: can't think of much else off hand
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: thanks
Sniper: np
DukuKane: can i get a quote from you (an annoymous T17 source) summarizing the situation
Sniper: I'm not a Team17 source
Sniper: I don't work for them nemore, am not affiliated with them
Sniper: and don't really consider myself ever being so :P
Sniper: not only that (I'd rather not because) they'd know (or believe) it came from me...
Sniper: they know I hate them, and they don't exactly like me to any greater degree
DukuKane: ok
Sniper: sorry
DukuKane: no, its alright
DukuKane: i appreciate all your help
Sniper: if I get a job in the US
DukuKane: can you tell me the phone number for T17 or someone CNet can contact
Sniper: screw Team17
Sniper: but until then, I have to be careful
DukuKane: or an active e-mail address
Sniper: UK: +44(0)1924 271637 (phone)
Sniper: UK: +44 (0)1924 267658 (fax)
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: thanks
Sniper: Postal:
Sniper: Team17 Software Ltd.
Sniper: Longlands House,
Sniper: Wakefield Road,
Sniper: Ossett,
Sniper: West Yorkshire.
Sniper: WF5 9JS
Sniper: Email: is the Director of Development
DukuKane: k
DukuKane: anything else
Sniper: nah
Sniper: not ATM
DukuKane: ok
DukuKane: thanks again
Sniper: np
DukuKane: and if you think of amnythign godo please send it to
DukuKane: thank you so much, hopefully CNet will make T17 crumble with all this info
Sniper: I , and a lot of others hope so too


Hittea, 15/01/2001 15:27:00:
if i was duku...which would suck but if i was i wouldnt bother posting on the wa-forum

DukoKane: you couldnt make that site if your life depended on it XxHitmaN14xX: i wouldnt want to

Hittea, 16/01/2001 00:51:38: i disected duku's site and pointed out everything that sucked CheechLizard, 00:52:38: that must have taken ages

XxHitmaN14xX: seriously
XxHitmaN14xX: who would pay 200 dollars
XxHitmaN14xX: to 300 dollars
XxHitmaN14xX: for a site like that?
XxHitmaN14xX: your site has more errors then my dogs asshole
DukoKane: fuck off
DukoKane: nope
XxHitmaN14xX: why note?
XxHitmaN14xX: not* damn im speeling lke yuo
DukoKane: you are a stcuk up kid who thinks he knows everything, like so many other losers on the forum
XxHitmaN14xX: you are a stcuk up
XxHitmaN14xX: hahaha
DukoKane: exactly, see, that's gay, make fun of me because of typos DukoKane: grow up
DukoKane: i cant yope 52 wpm
DukoKane: i jsut tyoe really fast and most people are gay and dont care if i make typos
DukoKane: so i just type fast and leave them
DukoKane: i dont make typos in anything thats professional
DukoKane: i have a guy offering me $1400 t make him a flash site

DukoKane (3:47:54 PM): fucker
DukoKane (3:48:02 PM): why are you such a faggot?
DukoKane (3:48:12 PM): you think you are so cool and great at eveything
XxHitmaN14xX (3:48:18 PM): umm
XxHitmaN14xX (3:48:19 PM): ok
DukoKane (3:48:21 PM): but i havnt seen you do anything good
XxHitmaN14xX (3:48:24 PM): what did i do this time?
DukoKane (3:48:43 PM): RIPOFF! RIPOFF! k thanks bye
DukoKane (3:48:44 PM): the "say no to bad gfx" pic
DukoKane (3:49:03 PM): all your posts
DukoKane (3:49:03 PM): im sick of it
DukoKane (3:49:09 PM): you are talking trash and you have nothingg to back it up
XxHitmaN14xX (3:49:18 PM): made about the ripoff thing?
DukoKane (3:49:34 PM): ya
XxHitmaN14xX (3:49:37 PM): my graphics arent pixelated
XxHitmaN14xX (3:49:41 PM): and oversized
DukoKane (3:49:44 PM): thats wwhat i was hired to do
XxHitmaN14xX (3:49:50 PM): your wormsclan thing is oversized
XxHitmaN14xX (3:49:52 PM): all of em are
XxHitmaN14xX (3:50:01 PM): you wwere hired to rip a stie off?
XxHitmaN14xX (3:50:11 PM): isnt there copyright laws?
DukoKane (3:50:44 PM): its not a rip off of a site
DukoKane (3:50:51 PM): the graphics are completely differnet
DukoKane (3:50:53 PM): its the same layout
XxHitmaN14xX (3:51:11 PM): pretty much identical with diff colors and name
XxHitmaN14xX (3:51:17 PM): and the fact that theres owns yours DukoKane (3:51:18 PM): why dont you say that wa-forum is a rip off of because it has menus on both sides with text in the middle?
XxHitmaN14xX (3:51:22 PM): and yours is just ugly
DukoKane (3:51:24 PM): all it is is a layout
DukoKane (3:51:36 PM): fuck you
DukoKane (3:51:40 PM): you cant make shit
DukoKane (3:51:40 PM): your site sucks ass
XxHitmaN14xX (3:51:45 PM): which one?
XxHitmaN14xX (3:52:08 PM): owns you
DukoKane (3:52:09 PM): kylesplanet
XxHitmaN14xX (3:52:10 PM): check it out
DukoKane (3:52:17 PM): and the ek site
DukoKane (3:52:25 PM): roflmao
DukoKane (3:52:32 PM): get a fucking clue
DukoKane (3:52:32 PM): i have
XxHitmaN14xX (3:52:41 PM): yea it owns you
DukoKane (3:52:42 PM): it is a big pictture with squares
DukoKane (3:52:44 PM): and text below it
DukoKane (3:52:44 PM): it sucks
DukoKane (3:52:52 PM): you are fucking dillusional
XxHitmaN14xX (3:52:53 PM): actually go to it again
DukoKane (3:53:18 PM): shows that you have no life
XxHitmaN14xX (3:53:32 PM): oooook
DukoKane (3:53:39 PM): fuck off
DukoKane (3:53:41 PM): get a life
XxHitmaN14xX (3:53:44 PM): your the one who messages me

CheechLizard, 29/12/2000 04:00:20:
why cant colon make a site that fits on my screen?

CheechLizard, 04:01:53:
and why cant dukukane spell?
I will ad a form so if someone doesnt report your win, yo just filkl it out aand Ill get it recorded for you

Jamandy, 17/02/2001 17:42:55:
did you see the fucking worms awards?


Geeno, 22/01/2001 22:11:00:
Duku is the new JeffK
and dont diss flash. you couldnt make fgood flash if you tried so dont say it is for 5 year olds. 2, KK is good at flash and his movies are funny as hell. 3. And flash isn't lame at all. Almost all of teh biggest companies are converting to flash sites because it owns html, + it pays between $50-$150/hour to make which rules.
Flash good
Yuo evil

CheechLizard, 23/01/2001 00:01:14:
i like the way duku edits his messages but he still spells wrong

CheechLizard, 00:03:29:
I thoguht myslef flash

CheechLizard, 16/02/2001 20:00:00:
gg duku

If there was no gravivty opn the moon then the austronauts would jump in the air and float off forever.

Geeno, 20:00:54:

CheechLizard, 20:01:53:
gravivity is a bitch

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