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Tom 'CoLoN' Miller is, depending on who you speak to, either 19, 42, masturbating whilst thinking about you or serving 12 life sentences in a maximum security prison for crimes against young boys.


Tom began his career as both a paedophile and a worms player in 1997 after discovering that the tiny animated creatures in Worms 2 resembled wangs, now Tom was free to indulge in his two favourite past times: being gay and being gay around children. Thus began Tom Millers Worms empire and by worms empire I mean paedophile ring.

Shortly after Tom realised that he had to maximise the young cock potential to meet the massive quota of gay required by his internet paedophile ring. One way of doing this would be to invent a hip and edgy clan with the word 'ass' in it. The clan was a massive success, especially as Tom had taken to using naked pictures of his 'sister' as bait to entice hot and horny 13 year olds such as MattMrHat. It's worth noting that MattMrHat eventually went on to become an emotionally unstable doom monger with an emo blog, from a psychological point of view this could be evidence of a disturbed childhood. DISTURBED BY TOM MILLER?????? Only MattMrHat can answer that twisted question.


The clan was called Wicked Ass Worms which is both a statement and an admission of guilt. Using simple gamer-pit analysis this clan name only begins to make sense now.

  • Wicked - Tom knew his perversion was sick, twisted, wrong and illegal in most states.
  • Ass - More specifically the rectum.
  • Worms - Thanks to Chris Morris and the Daily Mail we all know the depths of depravity the paedophile mind will reach to. In Tom Millers sick, depraved brainwrong these otherwise innocent creatures represent wangs, cocks, boners and pricks.

WAW went on to become one of the largest clans ever known and Toms popularity grew along with it. So much so that Tom created a WAWShop. WAWShops business model was simple, sell cut price software to teenagers and then sell their contact details on to NAMBLA deviants for profit.

Cock eating gypo

A little known fact is that Tom Miller never played Worms Armageddon. Never. Ever.

Some assume it was because he preferred Worms 2, others that he was just shit and too embarrassed about it. The truth is that Tom became so busy inventing intricate and cunning schemes to get the cock that he lusted for that he didn't have enough time. What Tom really needed was for the cock to come to him rather than having to live out the cliché of a predatory sexual deviant, what Tom really needed was a clan league!

The first WACL was a moderate success in terms of fisting, although Tom had difficulty in manipulating the majority of the staff most of the players were more than willing to drop the soap and assume the position whenever required.

Again it is worth noting that MattMrHat was also on the WACL staff which may be evidence of some kind of Stockholm Syndrome taking place.

WACL was only the first step along the long road to global and anal domination, what Tom and his NAMBLA friends aimed for was far grander.

Extending the hand of friendship

Wormscon was to be the Woodstock of paedophile rings with 40+ year old, balding, bloated sex offenders instead of hippies and instead of cheap drugs and rock music there would be erotic piercings and 'jizzy biscuit'.

Tom was, alledgedly, an busines man and his super succesful internet ventures were super and succesful enough to fly a hundred lucky, nubile, innocent souls half way around the world to take part in a celebration of worms, internet friendships and 13 inch black latex appendages.

The worms community, as well as being mostly male and under 15, were super stoked about free air miles and leapt at the chance to send a complete stranger their contact details which Tom would later go on to use for his own nefarious purposes. Speculation was rife, who would be chosen, who was going to duct tape LordElectro to a tram, what was with all the vaseline?

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