Difference between revisions of "User:Spectre"

Revision as of 11:32, 13 April 2008

Spectre / SpectreTheWorm / Spectre1337 / SpexterLeet / thebeeguy .. Entrepreneur. Inventor. Soldier of fortune. Virtual transvestite. Literally some words have been written about Spectre1337 yet the man largely remains an enigma in the public eye.

Born to Polish plumbers with the proverbial silver spoon photoshopped into his mouth the young Spectre experienced a life that only someone of such a high birth or Super Mario could have. Hot and cold flushing toilets, indoor baths and ornate garden water features. Life wasn't to be all gold plate showers and intricate copper piping though. After the great Polish plumbing crash of the nineties the young 1337 family were forced to flee first to England and then on to free state of Austria. The situation in England was no better than Poland and the 1337 family were held captive in one of England’s many webdesign camps with hundreds of other economical migrants while Peter was forced to write netcode 17 hours a day for the likes of Team17. After many months of incarceration Spectre managed to bribe one of the camp guards with some totally awesome name tags with flames and lightning and lensflare and all that cool shit for his families freedom and from there they fled to Austria, which sounds like Australia but actually isn't.

After the harsh conditions he experienced in capitalist England Spectre vowed that he would not rest until all men, whether they be plumbers or webdesigners or Welsh, were set free from the capitalist oppressors. With the benefit of his first hand experience at the hands of the cruel English and his superior Quake playing hand to eye co-ordination the Austrian authorities drafted him immediately to command their new experimental special tard berserker division. Using recently discovered Nazi archives documenting the tactical and strategic value of freaking screaming retards a crack team of rainmen had been formed. Spectres orders were to lead the tard division behind enemy English lines and then steal all the tards crayons. The mission was fail; large numbers of the troops became distracted by piles of strategically placed toothpicks and straws or were coerced into drawing building from memory. Spectre was alone, behind enemy lines, with only a white bus to stave off insanity in the harsh British jungle. That bus would become his best friend and eventually save his life. Spectre has rarely spoken about these times but a fictional made for T.V movie, Slow Bus Down, was later aired in his native Poland which may shed a little light. According to the movie Spectre and Bus hid out in the jungle for many weeks, planning the rescue, raiding outposts for Photoshop serial numbers, diesel and those little air fresheners that look like traffic lights. In their travels they came across and recruited a number of, mostly Welsh, dissidents who chose to join their cause. When the time was right and their numbers sufficient Spectre, Bus and their rag tag fleet attacked the compound where their comrades were held. English losses were devastating, Bus alone took out a whole platoon and busted a mad handbrake turn and then flipped up on two wheels like in the Dukes of Hazzard. While his friends battled on outside Spectre assaulted the main compound alone, fighting room to room until he reached his fallen charges. While freeing his comrades some evil dude turned up like the final boss and started busting crazy mad kungfu shit. Spectre fought bravely but without his Photoshop filters he was defenceless but then holy shit Bus slams through the wall like the fucking A-Team, covered in chrome and guns and fat rimmed alloys, and slammed Darth Batman into fucking orbit and then a bunch of goons charge in guns blazing, Bus dives across the room in slow motion knocking Spectre clear, the bullets raking against the polished chrome in a shower of sparks and lubricant. Dust settles, smoke clears, Bus gave his life for his brother.

On returning to Austria Spectre and Bus were honoured as heroes. Bus was posthumously awarded medals for bravery and fuel economy and a chrome statue of Bus now stands in the centre of Vienna.

Due to injuries Spectre chose to retire from the army with full honours and instead would devote his time to a revolutionary new project. During his time in the field Spectre noticed that the lack of good hot food and internet access took a terrible toll on troops. Months and months of research and development led to the discovery of the USB barbeque. With the USB barbeque troops deployed in the field were pretty much self sufficient and only required the occasional air drop of raw meat and phone cards. As well as swiftly ending the reign of the British Empire this new technology led to the invention, by Spectre, of the mobile internet cafe and Spectre and his fleet of busses became a common sight on the streets of Vienna and also led to the popular Austrian catchphrase "here comes a bus".

Due to his past experiences and his strong belief in freedom and diversity the technology behind the USB barbeque was freely available via the internet under the Open Sauce GPU licence pioneered by Spectre, updates and recipes were also released regularly. Imitations took off around Europe including a young upstart named Peter Hendrix who later went on to patent the product and subsequently sue Spectre

Spectre speaks 8 languages including Esperanto and Klingon.

See also

• Trolling Team17
• Spider Expert
• WormsFilesPedia